Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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