yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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