Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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