just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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