Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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