Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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