Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
