You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
