oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I fill condoms, not promises.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
