If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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