last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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