Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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