I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
