I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
