is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
