I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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