you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize