i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
