Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
