i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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