Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
