i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
