He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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