I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize