dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
