Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
