oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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