I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
