I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
