Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
