and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
