I faked an abortion last night.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize