i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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