the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
