tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
