Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
