he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize