I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
