WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
