Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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