you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
