she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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