Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
