What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
