you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
