the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
