he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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