You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
