I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
