It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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