Grow some girl-balls and come out already
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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