the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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