I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
