Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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