pedialite and red bull = repair kit
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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