Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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