Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
