Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
