if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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