someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i think i have herpe
just one?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
