my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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