Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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