But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
