I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
