So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
