I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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