It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Is Oprah even human
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
