If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
