my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
