with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I skipped work to stalk him.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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