So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize