i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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