God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
