guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
