no, he came in my armpit
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
