Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
