This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
