I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
