Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
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