She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
