I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
