Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
