all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
