If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
