these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
