the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
