I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
