I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
