A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
