she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
